Saturday, July 31, 2010

Angels, Tears, and Balloons

I had my first appointment with my regular ob doctor since we received Camilla's diagnosis yesterday. I knew I would struggle just because it was the first time talking with him since his call telling me about the need for an appointment with a specialist. My doctor is such a kind, Christian man and I just love him! I used to tease Matt and tell him I was in love with him...LOL! I remember after all the miscarriages in 2005 how reassuring he was to us and how much he tolerated all my worries and fears with my pregnancies for Isaac and Hadleigh. He is just a great man! I walked in strong and composed and as soon as he opened the exam room door and hugged me I just lost it. We had a fantastic and thorough conversation and he really just listened which was so very nice. We were discussing lots of possibilities, causes, and possible scenarios that could arise as we near Camilla's birth. It still seems slightly surreal to me that as I am sitting there discussing the possibilities of her being stillborn or dying soon after birth (in the case we would find out she has a genetic disorder); she is kicking me like crazy from the inside. I felt nauseous and dizzy as the words outside me were grim and spoke of death and the movement on the inside of me proclaimed such life! That is really so hard to feel all at once, I am not sure I will ever understand it. Well anyway, we were speaking of the genetic situations and I mentioned this video I watched a few years back called "99 Balloons". I couldn't remember much except the baby had Trisomy 18 I think and ended up living 99 days. His parents celebrated each day to the fullest and at the memorial released 99 balloons; one for each day with their child. He hadn't heard of it; but listened as my next words were, "I hope I have one single day with my baby... alive". My doctor seemed to tear up a little and we proceeded to listen to her healthy heartbeat in the 160's. I wiped my face, sucked it in and checked out. I love the receptionists and nurses at the office, but I didn't really look up at anyone just hoping I could make it out without any more crying. Well, I did. About 10 steps out the door and down the stairs anyway. My first angel arrived then, a friend I love chatting with who works behind the desk and schedules all my appointments. She gave me the most heartfelt hug and I thanked her for her thoughts. She gave me the strength to get out the door and to the car before I completely lost it again. I don't know what it was, but it just felt so good to have a good cry. Angel number 2 arrives next. A nurse from the office, who knows of my story, and has always been so nice to me, comes running out. She hugged me reassuringly and asked to pray with me. The gesture made by these two women has left me speechless. I was a blubbering mess and God sent them to calm me down and to show Christ's love to me. It is just so amazing. She prayed for an angel to watch over me; what I don't think she realized is that is what she was! I can't even begin to thank both of them; it was the kindest, sweetest thing I think anyone has ever done for me. I can only hope I can be used as someone's "angel" sometime and re-pay the favors I felt yesterday. After sitting in the car a while, I got myself together, and continued home. Do you know what happened next? While I am driving along on the highway, a red helium balloon, no kidding flew right at my windshield. It startled me; it nearly got hooked in my wiper! I watched it trail off to the east and I knew this wasn't a coincidence. In the video, "99 balloons" they literally CELEBRATED every single day their baby lived even though they knew he was not going to make it. This balloon didn't just happen to fly out at me-it was sent. It was my reminder that I need to CELEBRATE today and every day I am given because they are a gift. Camilla, girl, the life you are proclaiming when you move around is a gift to me and to my family. I will NOT forget to celebrate every day I feel it. Your brother felt you kick him tonight; we had a celebratory kicking party underneath his Spiderman covers. We love you, Camilla! I hope each and every one of us can celebrate our "balloon", our day today, as it is a beautiful gift from God.
Turn off music player first to watch "99 Balloons".


  1. Wow! What a great video and an amazing doctor's appointment. I keep missing you at church, but please know that I'm praying for you!

  2. Dear Amie and family,
    Your video and blog really touched me and my husband.
    Our son James was diagnosed with trisomy (they were not sure what type at the time of the diagnosis) and we were devastated by the news. They recommended a Emergency DNC. We declined and left the hospital with pictures in hand.
    My husband Jim reassured me everyday that God had a plan and that everything would be ok.
    I spent the first week after the diagnosis in bed and I would stare at the ultra sound picture that was given to me in a 8x10 size and cry and pray. It showed a hole in the side of his head. I couldn't eat, think, sleep or do anything. I found some strength deep inside me and pulled myself together. I was going to love this child and take care of this child(I still didn't know if it was a boy or a girl)
    Jim was my rock every step of the way. I leaned on God for everything and thanked him daily for allowing me to carry a child of his. I knew God would not give me more than I could handle.
    We went in for genetic testing which came back with amazing results, more good new followed at around 17 weeks his ultra sounds were coming back completely normal. The doctors could not believe it! By no accident my son was doing great and as we neared the end of our pregnancy there were no signs of anything wrong.
    God works in mysterious ways and I believe he had his hand on me and my son during the entire pregnancy.
    My son was born a healthy 7lbs 9 oz on Sept 29th 2005. After a ten day stay in the NICU he was able to come home and has been a happy healthy baby and now little boy about to turn 5.
    I still have all the ultra sounds, pictures and paper work with his diagnosis. He is my miracle baby and I thank God for him everyday.
    I don't know what God has in store for you and your baby Camilla Joy, but everyday is a gift and she is your gift from God!
    We continue to pray for all of you.
    May God bless you and your family. May you find your comfort in him as well as your friends and family who are supporting you!

    Lisa, Jim, James and Lilly