Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Giving Thanks

There have been many moments along this journey that I have felt scared. Many when I felt nervous or doubtful. I would ask myself, "Am I being too hopeful?" In these moments, I have needed to hand over these fears to God.
I have declared the Word of God countless times when telling the enemy to leave. Guess what? IT HAS ALWAYS WORKED! I have never experienced anything in my life before now where I have needed to lean so completely on Jesus for strength and support. I am a "handle it" type of girl, I like to think that I'm pretty tough when things get difficult. This experience shook this a bit in me. I realized how much I need God and how much I haven't realized my need fully for Him in other situations. I have learned how much I need God in my life when everything is going fine and dandy, when things are difficult, and when things are unknown.

On Thursday, November 18th, we arrived at the hospital to meet our baby girl. I wasn't nervous, but especially in the surgical room, I was very emotional. This journey was finally coming to a climax...Camilla's birth. While I knew that there were unknowns, and that in a few moments we would know how she was doing, good or bad, I felt peace. Peace that I cannot explain, only feel. I knew God was right there, working in the hands of the doctors, keeping me calm, and protecting us all. While the doctors and nurses were chattering away, to me it was amazingly quiet. My ears were ready to hear her cries, but everything else seemed almost miles away. So peaceful and quiet. When they pulled her out into this world, Miss Cami screamed and screamed! Do you even know how those cries sounded to me??? PURE JOY! For with those cries, I knew her lungs were healthy (no doubt!) and that was one thing I had prayed so hard for.
Please, Lord, let her cry be so strong and so loud.
While tears streamed down my face, the doctor peeked over the big, blue sheet and told me that my baby girl was proving him wrong on all accounts! He said this with a smile and I told him I was glad he was wrong. Quickly, some of these early "accounts" flashed in my head.

20 weeks gestation: We see 4/5 fluid in her head, 1/5 brain matter. It is mandatory that I tell you termination is available. This could be caused by genetic reasons that could or could not be fatal. YOU GO CAMILLA, keep proving him wrong!

I quickly refocused on Camilla's cries and now that I could see her along side me getting evaluated, knew I was witnessing a miracle. I heard the words,
"She is perfect" from the doctor.
"She is beautiful" from her Daddy.
"She is so cute" from a nurse.
"Look at that hair" from another.

I kept saying "Amen" and "Thank you" over and over and over in my head. Camilla went to the recovery room right with me and returned to a regular room in the hospital with me as well. She scored 9's on her Apgar tests, began to eat right away, and was off the charts as far as being a good snuggler!

This Thanksgiving my heart just swells. I am blessed in ways I do not deserve and I cannot list all that I am thankful for. This journey so far has reminded me to celebrate and enjoy each day of life that we are given, to stay strong in faith, and to TRUST the Lord.

Camilla Joy, now that you are here I want you to know that:

You are an absolute perfect miracle.
God has a plan and purpose for your life.
It is my priviledge to be your mother.
I will continue to tell your story and share God with others through it.
You are a perfect addition to our family.
God is using you, sweet girl.

Psalm 100:
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God is always good.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Do Not Fear....Choose Truth!

Be sure to turn off the music player at the bottom of the page before you enjoy the beautiful truth of this song.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Quietly Waiting

I have been listening to a series on the book of Habakkuk. It has been exactly what I needed to hear the past few weeks. While this whole journey so far has not seemed terribly long, the past couple weeks themselves have. On the days I manage to get out the door early, (not the days I hit the snooze) I have heard a wonderful series on the radio about Habakkuk. A very small book tucked away in the Bible, it is packed with truth and situations we as humans can relate to.

Habakkuk struggled with God not giving him clear answers. He feels God isn't listening or answering his prayers. God is teaching Habakkuk how to wait and cling to the faith that God is indeed at work. Habakkuk learns that he must patiently wait to see how God will work things out according to His plan. The book of Habbakuk reminds us that the righteous must live by faith; in the good times as well as the hard times. This isn't always easy, but faith in God is so very powerful. Sometimes God uses harder situations to draw us to him and bring us back to where we need to be- focused on Him.

God has been using this experience of our daughter's life, to turn my fears into stronger faith everyday. For those of you who know me well, you would know how much of a worrier I am. While I have my days, I can honestly say that God has done a miracle in me this whole time. I haven't struggled with worry too much, not like I have in the past with such "smaller" mountains I have faced. Fear, I have indeed felt, but everytime it has gotten a hold of me I have been able to turn it away. This isn't the "typical" Amie. This is amazing to me and I have honestly felt God carrying me through since the beginning.

“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights” (Habakkuk 3:19)

Our days of waiting for our daughter are coming to a close---we will meet her in 11 short days and WE CAN'T WAIT! The support of family and friends has been amazing and we cannot thank everyone enough. The power of positive people and prayers overwhelms me when I think about it. Every day has been a celebration of this wonderful life inside of me. People addressing her by name, my students hugging my belly all the time, my children talking to their sister and feeling her move, her Daddy telling her he loves her, EVERYTHING has been a celebration.

The first thing I will do when I hear her cries upon entrance is praise God with an, "AMEN!"

Camilla, you have a special purpose in this world. Your heavenly Father has planned your life. I am honored to be your mother and to be a part of it.