Thursday, August 12, 2010
Fear of Onesies...
You might wonder what the title means. Sounds weird, I know. But my struggle lately is with fear regarding Camilla's situation. Mostly he (the devil) strikes at me when I am tired or trying to fall asleep. He starts shooting the arrows of fear at me. When he starts hurling-watch out because he has a quiver full.
Fear of her dying.
Fear of my health.
Fear of major surgery on a tiny baby.
Fear of not having control of the situation...at all.
Fear of being away from my other children.
Fear of her future.
Fear of the logistics of the birth in Grand Rapids.
Fear of her being in pain. Boy, does he hurl them fast.
Fear of how she will look.
Fear of her being teased.
Fear of reactions.
And fear of onesies! I am scared of getting out newborn things for Camilla, because I am not sure whether or not she will ever use them. Fear of putting them away. Here they come again. I know fear is not from God, and I have to literally tell the devil to go away! Leave me alone! On my own, I am weak; but with God's word and help, I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.
1 Corinthians 16:13:
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
Fear of setting clean white onesies out in perfect little baskets and coming home to put them away into a dark basement because they are not needed. Another arrow straight at me.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Can I control what happens? NO. Will God help me every step?YES! Watch out Satan, this Momma's got the King of Kings on her side! I will fight against your arrows and cling to the truth I find in the Bible.
Fact is, there's a good chance that my baby girl is coming home. And she's going to need those onesies. So I'll put them out; just in case. And when you try to beat me down, I'll tell you to leave like I have been doing. If I need them, I will praise Him! And if I don't, I will praise Him! Whatever the outcome, God has Camilla in his precious hands and she is His creation. And my blessing.
I can't wait to meet you, my sweet Camilla girl. The onesie pictured will be in your basket if you do indeed come home and need it.