Believe...

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

Ok. Read it again. I had to. Do you really believe that what you believe is really real? This was the question scribbled across the dry erase board in my prayer group's room on Wednesday night at church. Not only did it catch my eye and I had to read it three times; it was the perfect question to ask myself this week.

I sat there momentarily, contemplating everything I believe to be real. This week I was struggling in my fatigue to keep my thoughts positive about our upcoming ultrasound next Monday. That long drive home I have...being exhausted and hot...hormones...it was all getting to me. I'd find myself questioning something I really believe to be real. That Cami is going to be fine. That surgery will go smoothly. I really believe she will be; and by now I should be a pro at a c-section, but in these moments I had been letting those little fear voices rise up in me again.

My husband sensed my mood after one of these fearful commutes and the next day emailed me a note containing the following verse and note to me:
"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
Romans 8:16-17
The thought that our sufferings bring us closer to God's glory, for me brings total peace. I feel more and more that you and I were given a gift, a gift to see God's awesome miracle of life, a gift to witness God's awesome power, and a gift to feel God's awesome love for us. It is our responsibility to tell Camilla's story. So all will see God's awesome glory.

You are so right, honey! I really needed to hear that! Reflecting on your note brings me back to my original question that I started this post with. Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

So I asked myself again. Frankly. Earnestly. Thoughtfully.

"Do I really believe that my God, the one who gave me life wants what is best for me?"
"Do I really believe that my God, awesome healer, can heal my daughter?"
"Do I really believe that the plan for my Camilla Joy is completely written already and has a special purpose?"
"Do I really believe that difficult things can make me stronger?"
"Do I really believe that God's glory can be witnessed through the story of a tiny little baby?"
"Do I really believe and trust that God will work this all out for good?"

The abounding answer is YES! I want to shout it from the mountaintops! For when I remind myself of this, all the fear arrows flung by Satan fall limp and I find strength and peace that surpasses all understanding!

Camilla, I will never forget to tell your story as it unfolds. The author of life itself has blessed me with the gift of you and the responsibility to share your journey with others. I love you, Camilla girl. By the way, the flower above is a Camilla flower. Beautiful just like my precious daughter!