Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Black and White

For the longest time now, I have been imagining our first family photo when Camilla arrives. The closer we get, the more I think about it. How unbelievably excited I am to see her face (finally!), how wonderful it will be to huddle our family around and smile for a first portrait with her! I have a dear friend doing pictures at the hospital, something I have never done "formally" before. We have had such anticipation over this little lady making her debut, that I want to catch it all without missing anything. Don't get me wrong-we took tons of pictures with both of our other kids, too. It's just different this time. The anticipation building in our house as we talk about, pray for, and enjoy Cami squirming all around in my belly everyday- it has created an energy that is SO amazing!

Back to the portraits-they had been on my mind for many days. I found myself becoming worrisome over something almost kind of silly in the big scheme of things-what should we wear for our new family portrait? I don't know why it was bugging me, but I just couldn't think of what would work best in a sea of unknowns. To be realistic, I am not sure of the circumstances that will surround these portraits, in regards to how Cami will be doing. I am so hopeful these will be portraits of a very healthy little girl with a full head of hair (I am predicting, due to major heartburn)! But my life is a sea of scenarios with this situation, and I am reminded I am not in control of any of them.

So- again back to the photos, I kept wondering what should we wear??? Ever since that morning in July when we learned of Camilla's struggle in utero, things have been put a color to it, they have been gray. Not gray as in depressing, but gray as in not clear. And until she is out and examined, nothing regarding her condition will be totally black and white. Ahhh. Black and white! It hit me! Nothing so far has been black and white with this situation...EXCEPT the most important things:
1. God is in control.
2. He is the author of her life; He has her every breath already planned!
3. God hears our prayers and is already in the process of answering them according to His plan.
4. Scripture has proclaimed the clearest truths to me the past 14 weeks.
5. God is using this situation for his glory.

So, Camilla Joy, you and your sister have the most beautiful velvet-trimmed black and white embellished dresses. I am crafting your first headband and one for Big Sis, too! Your brother has a handsome black, white, and red sweater and your Mommy and Daddy are sticking with the same theme for your first portrait. In the moment the camera flashes, no matter what the circumstances surrounding your health are, one thing will be totally black and white, just as it has been this whole journey long:

Camilla, you will be a perfect part of our family, a perfect work of your Heavenly Father, and you will be loved more than words on this page can ever begin to convey. It is crystal clear, my Camilla girl, you will NEVER, EVER hunger for love. We love you SO much already.

Praise God for blessing us with your life!


  1. Love you Amie! We continue praying for all of you.

  2. Even in the midst of the chaos, fears, and worry, your thoughts are so sweet and refreshing to read.


  3. It is amazing to read your posts since we are going through the same thing at the same time. I read it and go, "Yep, yep, yep...."! God is taking care of our girls and He's taking care of us. Nobody (including me) can understand how we are able to stay positive through all of this and it has to be because God is right beside us. Even closer than usual.

  4. To my Wife,
    Well said babe, You are such an inspiration. Your words are truely a God given gift.
    Love, M

    "In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his hears." Psalm 18:6

  5. Oh, Amy, you make me cry everytime. We are still praying for you.