Wednesday, November 24, 2010
There have been many moments along this journey that I have felt scared. Many when I felt nervous or doubtful. I would ask myself, "Am I being too hopeful?" In these moments, I have needed to hand over these fears to God.
I have declared the Word of God countless times when telling the enemy to leave. Guess what? IT HAS ALWAYS WORKED! I have never experienced anything in my life before now where I have needed to lean so completely on Jesus for strength and support. I am a "handle it" type of girl, I like to think that I'm pretty tough when things get difficult. This experience shook this a bit in me. I realized how much I need God and how much I haven't realized my need fully for Him in other situations. I have learned how much I need God in my life when everything is going fine and dandy, when things are difficult, and when things are unknown.
On Thursday, November 18th, we arrived at the hospital to meet our baby girl. I wasn't nervous, but especially in the surgical room, I was very emotional. This journey was finally coming to a climax...Camilla's birth. While I knew that there were unknowns, and that in a few moments we would know how she was doing, good or bad, I felt peace. Peace that I cannot explain, only feel. I knew God was right there, working in the hands of the doctors, keeping me calm, and protecting us all. While the doctors and nurses were chattering away, to me it was amazingly quiet. My ears were ready to hear her cries, but everything else seemed almost miles away. So peaceful and quiet. When they pulled her out into this world, Miss Cami screamed and screamed! Do you even know how those cries sounded to me??? PURE JOY! For with those cries, I knew her lungs were healthy (no doubt!) and that was one thing I had prayed so hard for.
Please, Lord, let her cry be so strong and so loud.
While tears streamed down my face, the doctor peeked over the big, blue sheet and told me that my baby girl was proving him wrong on all accounts! He said this with a smile and I told him I was glad he was wrong. Quickly, some of these early "accounts" flashed in my head.
20 weeks gestation: We see 4/5 fluid in her head, 1/5 brain matter. It is mandatory that I tell you termination is available. This could be caused by genetic reasons that could or could not be fatal. YOU GO CAMILLA, keep proving him wrong!
I quickly refocused on Camilla's cries and now that I could see her along side me getting evaluated, knew I was witnessing a miracle. I heard the words,
"She is perfect" from the doctor.
"She is beautiful" from her Daddy.
"She is so cute" from a nurse.
"Look at that hair" from another.
I kept saying "Amen" and "Thank you" over and over and over in my head. Camilla went to the recovery room right with me and returned to a regular room in the hospital with me as well. She scored 9's on her Apgar tests, began to eat right away, and was off the charts as far as being a good snuggler!
This Thanksgiving my heart just swells. I am blessed in ways I do not deserve and I cannot list all that I am thankful for. This journey so far has reminded me to celebrate and enjoy each day of life that we are given, to stay strong in faith, and to TRUST the Lord.
Camilla Joy, now that you are here I want you to know that:
You are an absolute perfect miracle.
God has a plan and purpose for your life.
It is my priviledge to be your mother.
I will continue to tell your story and share God with others through it.
You are a perfect addition to our family.
God is using you, sweet girl.
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
God is always good.
Posted by Mrs. V at 10:23 PM