8 months old!

Well, my Camilla girl, this summer we have been celebrating! The one year anniversary of our Level 2 Ultrasound has came and passed and WOW, we are AMAZED at YOU! Last summer, we celebrated your little (and big) kicks and prayed without ceasing for healing. This summer, we celebrate every new thing you do and pray with gratefulness and thanksgiving at the literal MIRACLE you are! Over the past year we have felt God's love and grace in everything. He helped us go to sleep and calmed our nerves when we were in need of strength.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I personally struggled with fear and anxiety and my heavenly Father took it away. Completely. He blessed us with so many supportive friends and family members, and strengthened ties and relationships in our lives. God has also given us the gift of so many new friends literally from around the world, it truly is awesome. Most importantly He has taught us all a lesson in trusting Him.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.”

My family and marriage is more grounded and stronger because of what we went through this past year. So many, many miracles and blessings have happened along the way (and still ARE) that I cannot even list them. I know this, Camilla Joy, your Mommy cannot wait to share it with you! We are truly humbled and in awe everyday of what Camilla is learning and doing and how blessed we are. She is hitting all her milestones-sitting up, trying to crawl, saying "mama" "dada" and "baba", laughing at mommy's jokes ---I think she actually gets them!:) We are so excited to see all of these firsts!


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Our Camilla girl, He has great big plans for you.

Camilla is 4 1/2 months old....

And...I am way behind in blogging. Life has been crazy with me returning to work. With working comes some level of stress, plus add in graduate classes, nursing, pumping, and just being emotional about being away from home so much, all of this equals = busy and tired! I know, I know, no excuse! I have been wanting to update for such a long while now, and at the same time I have wanted to reflect on Camilla's journey so far. So many people ask me if I wish we were never given Camilla's diagnosis, if I wish the call would never have come. All that worry...and she is just fine. It sounds strange, I know, but no. I do not wish things different. And, while our outcome is so wonderful, I know I would still sit here blogging to the same conclusion had it been a difficult one. I know this, because I would have strength from my Heavenly Father. The same strength that carried me through 5 months of pregnancy. The same strength that is carrying many people I know. I cannot list the blessings that have come throughout this journey so far, but I will give it a try. So many supportive calls, words, emails, messages, gifts, visits, PRAYERS, new friends, stronger family relationships, a stronger marriage, a wonderful community of friends and children who are going through or went through the same things, opportunities to teach my children how to pray, appreciation and love for my children through a new "lens", a stronger walk with God, stronger faith, less worry, more ability to "hand things over" to God. a closer bond with our church family, being a witness of MIRACLES...the list goes on and on with blessings! Camilla's birth and place in our lives has touched us so deeply. I put a montage together (below) to share it with all of you. You will want to close the pink music player at the bottom of the blog first. Thank you for your many, many prayers on our behalf. We love you all!

Camilla's Journey at OneTrueMedia.com

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

It's Been a While....6 WEEKS!

Yes, I can hardly believe 6 weeks ago Camilla Joy was born! How fast these past 6 weeks went compared to the 6 weeks prior to her arrival! I can hardly believe it has been that long since I posted last; now Christmas has come and gone already. We have been busy adjusting to life on little sleep and how to juggle attention between three blessings instead of just two. I am loving every second!

Many of you who follow have been wondering and asking how Camilla is doing. She is doing so good so far and showing no signs of anything at all being wrong. While we were in the hospital they did an ultrasound and a MRI of her brain. The ventricles were the same as our appointment in September and this was very good news! No blockage or progressing hydrocephalus...and no surgery! Praise God! The MRI did show that she was missing her septum pellucidum, though, has a thinned corpus callosum, and it showed mildly thinned optical nerves. The septum pellucidum is a small membrane inside of her brain that, because it was missing, was likely the cause of her ventricle enlargement throughout the pregnancy. The pediatrician spoke to us about this and said that this may or may not ever mean a visual impairment for our sweet little girl. When he evaluated her on the last day in the hospital I made sure to ask whether he thought she could see as of then and he said she was doing everything with her eyes she should at two days old and that YES he believed she was seeing things! So, very thankfully we headed home later that day and settled into our new routine with baby Cami!

In the weeks that followed, she had a few appointments, one being a pediatric opthamology appointment. The nurse dilated her eyes and flashed a light all around inside. She (the nurse) seemed frustrated; so I started to get nervous as I observed her. I asked her what she was looking for or wanting Camilla's eyes to do, and she simply said, "A blink would be nice." From there we had to go to another waiting room and wait for the doctor to call us back to further examine her eyes. All the while, here I was clutching Camilla and all of my bags to my body, and shaking with fear. How fast fear can grip you; I HATE that! I have posted before right here about fear and how I struggle and defeat it. Fear is not from the Lord; and I know that. By the time I was called in the examination room, I was sweating to death and getting even more nervous. Thoughts were running wild in my head that she was blind and she would never see us, never see God's beautiful, colorful creation.....STOP! I stopped my thoughts, glanced at my face in the mirror behind the examination chair and realized that I was letting Satan fill me with fear. It was SO apparent on my face in that crystal clear mirror on the wall. I quickly ran my thoughts back to this post here specifically the end, and realized it didn't matter anyway. Here I am holding my beautiful, precious daughter; feeling her breath on my cheek in this room and nothing else really mattered in that moment.
She is here.
She is thriving and she is right here.
I prayed over her in that dark little room, praying for her to someday fight her own fears with the truth of her Savior. What a priviledge to have this little girl in my arms and to pray for her while looking into her eyes. I should tell you, too, that the opthomalogist wasn't worried at all about the blinking thing. She said, in fact, her optic nerves are only "mildly" thinned. Praise God again!

With the help of Him, I am not worried! I am just NOT going to worry myself sick over potential problems that may or may not EVER affect things Camilla can do. If I did that, I would be giving in to the Enemy and he would be all too pleased about it. Not to mention, I would be missing all the wonderful, exciting things Camilla CAN do; which right now are everything she should to be on target for her age! So, I think I'll put the pen down for now, or rather-give my fingertips a break, to go and enjoy some 6 week old smirks, coos, and snuggles. Oh, and to breathe in the scent only a newborn has to offer!

We thank each and every one of you for your continued prayers. Thank you doesn't seem even enough; we are so grateful for every minute you have spent praying on our behalf, you are AMAZING! May God pour his blessings upon all of you!

Giving Thanks

There have been many moments along this journey that I have felt scared. Many when I felt nervous or doubtful. I would ask myself, "Am I being too hopeful?" In these moments, I have needed to hand over these fears to God.
Completely.
I have declared the Word of God countless times when telling the enemy to leave. Guess what? IT HAS ALWAYS WORKED! I have never experienced anything in my life before now where I have needed to lean so completely on Jesus for strength and support. I am a "handle it" type of girl, I like to think that I'm pretty tough when things get difficult. This experience shook this a bit in me. I realized how much I need God and how much I haven't realized my need fully for Him in other situations. I have learned how much I need God in my life when everything is going fine and dandy, when things are difficult, and when things are unknown.

On Thursday, November 18th, we arrived at the hospital to meet our baby girl. I wasn't nervous, but especially in the surgical room, I was very emotional. This journey was finally coming to a climax...Camilla's birth. While I knew that there were unknowns, and that in a few moments we would know how she was doing, good or bad, I felt peace. Peace that I cannot explain, only feel. I knew God was right there, working in the hands of the doctors, keeping me calm, and protecting us all. While the doctors and nurses were chattering away, to me it was amazingly quiet. My ears were ready to hear her cries, but everything else seemed almost miles away. So peaceful and quiet. When they pulled her out into this world, Miss Cami screamed and screamed! Do you even know how those cries sounded to me??? PURE JOY! For with those cries, I knew her lungs were healthy (no doubt!) and that was one thing I had prayed so hard for.
Please, Lord, let her cry be so strong and so loud.
While tears streamed down my face, the doctor peeked over the big, blue sheet and told me that my baby girl was proving him wrong on all accounts! He said this with a smile and I told him I was glad he was wrong. Quickly, some of these early "accounts" flashed in my head.

20 weeks gestation: We see 4/5 fluid in her head, 1/5 brain matter. It is mandatory that I tell you termination is available. This could be caused by genetic reasons that could or could not be fatal. YOU GO CAMILLA, keep proving him wrong!

I quickly refocused on Camilla's cries and now that I could see her along side me getting evaluated, knew I was witnessing a miracle. I heard the words,
"She is perfect" from the doctor.
"She is beautiful" from her Daddy.
"She is so cute" from a nurse.
"Look at that hair" from another.

I kept saying "Amen" and "Thank you" over and over and over in my head. Camilla went to the recovery room right with me and returned to a regular room in the hospital with me as well. She scored 9's on her Apgar tests, began to eat right away, and was off the charts as far as being a good snuggler!

This Thanksgiving my heart just swells. I am blessed in ways I do not deserve and I cannot list all that I am thankful for. This journey so far has reminded me to celebrate and enjoy each day of life that we are given, to stay strong in faith, and to TRUST the Lord.

Camilla Joy, now that you are here I want you to know that:

You are an absolute perfect miracle.
God has a plan and purpose for your life.
It is my priviledge to be your mother.
I will continue to tell your story and share God with others through it.
You are a perfect addition to our family.
God is using you, sweet girl.

Psalm 100:
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God is always good.

Do Not Fear....Choose Truth!

Be sure to turn off the music player at the bottom of the page before you enjoy the beautiful truth of this song.

Quietly Waiting

I have been listening to a series on the book of Habakkuk. It has been exactly what I needed to hear the past few weeks. While this whole journey so far has not seemed terribly long, the past couple weeks themselves have. On the days I manage to get out the door early, (not the days I hit the snooze) I have heard a wonderful series on the radio about Habakkuk. A very small book tucked away in the Bible, it is packed with truth and situations we as humans can relate to.

Habakkuk struggled with God not giving him clear answers. He feels God isn't listening or answering his prayers. God is teaching Habakkuk how to wait and cling to the faith that God is indeed at work. Habakkuk learns that he must patiently wait to see how God will work things out according to His plan. The book of Habbakuk reminds us that the righteous must live by faith; in the good times as well as the hard times. This isn't always easy, but faith in God is so very powerful. Sometimes God uses harder situations to draw us to him and bring us back to where we need to be- focused on Him.

God has been using this experience of our daughter's life, to turn my fears into stronger faith everyday. For those of you who know me well, you would know how much of a worrier I am. While I have my days, I can honestly say that God has done a miracle in me this whole time. I haven't struggled with worry too much, not like I have in the past with such "smaller" mountains I have faced. Fear, I have indeed felt, but everytime it has gotten a hold of me I have been able to turn it away. This isn't the "typical" Amie. This is amazing to me and I have honestly felt God carrying me through since the beginning.

“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights” (Habakkuk 3:19)

Our days of waiting for our daughter are coming to a close---we will meet her in 11 short days and WE CAN'T WAIT! The support of family and friends has been amazing and we cannot thank everyone enough. The power of positive people and prayers overwhelms me when I think about it. Every day has been a celebration of this wonderful life inside of me. People addressing her by name, my students hugging my belly all the time, my children talking to their sister and feeling her move, her Daddy telling her he loves her, EVERYTHING has been a celebration.

The first thing I will do when I hear her cries upon entrance is praise God with an, "AMEN!"

Camilla, you have a special purpose in this world. Your heavenly Father has planned your life. I am honored to be your mother and to be a part of it.